Oh, hey, didn’t see you there. I’ve done the thing again. You know which one.

Well. Here I am, aimless and without any overarching idea or goal, squinting hard and trying to remember the many Great Ideas and Funny Observations I think of when I’m not sitting down to write. Using my Notes app to keep track of ideas would be wise, but here I am, not wise, writing a blog about nothing. The Seinfeld of blogs, if you will.

I’m feeling motivated by procrastination this evening. While I’m very excited that one of my articles will be published unless something goes awry, sitting down to edit the dang thing does not sound enticing tonight. I’ve looked at the edits and suggestions, I know what information I’d like to add while I also annotate all my sources, but golly would I sure like the article to edit itself. What’s hardest for me is that I spent several weeks working on the article for my editing class, then took a break for a few weeks before the Science Writer let me know they’d like it for their Small Things issue, and now I feel like I’m not in the right headspace for it.

I’ve been this way my whole life. I get obsessed with a game, play it daily, then if I put it down for a couple of days I never go back to it. It’s why I’ve played the beginning of Fable three or five or ten times but have beaten the game once. The same applies to books and crafts and now, I suppose, for writing. If I’m not actively fixated, it’s hard to say when I’ll pick the thing back up and how enthusiastically I will do so. I’ve always known this about myself, yet right now it feels like a newfound bummer to have to trick myself into writing and editing when I’m tired and emotionally drained and want to stay in bed forever.

So far this mostly neglected blog seems to be filled with complaints about myself and my life. I don’t like Doing Stuff and Feeling Feelings and this is where I’m going to be a whiny baby about it. In my defense, I tend to come to this writing space when I’m in a bad mood or otherwise having a bad day.

Today’s bad day is sponsored by my cat Percy, who is sick. Poor guy started looking thin, then suddenly looked really thin. I took him to the vet yesterday, and the good news is he doesn’t have kidney disease, hyperthyroidism, or diabetes. The bad news is we don’t know what’s wrong with him yet, and it’s looking like it could be something like triaditis, intestinal lymphoma, or IBD.

In a way, I hoping it would be one of the things he doesn’t have, since all are treatable with medication and/or diet and I would have an answer already. The last few days I’ve gotten myself pretty worked up about how I’m failing Percy and should have noticed he wasn’t feeling well sooner. Now his appetite seems to be lacking, so he’s getting an appetite stimulant and a mix of high-calorie wet food and tuna, heated up to increase the stank factor for his pleasure. He has me very worried because he isn’t going ham on treats the way he normally does.

Percy will be getting an ultrasound to figure out what’s going on in his guts, but not until the 18th unless I want to get him in sooner with a specialist. His numbers are in the low-normal range so the vet doesn’t think he’s in any immediate crisis, and I’m going to watch him like a hawk and agonize over his every move until then. If need be, I’ll get him to a specialist ASAP, but man is that going to hurt the ol’ wallet.

Will I spend any amount of money to get this guy back on his feet? You betcha. Are rhetorical questions still lazy writing? 100%.

I will likely write at length about Dante at some point, but the short version is I’m still hurting financially (and emotionally) from another cat getting sick, requiring extensive veterinary care, and ultimately not making it. I got Percy and Dante on the same day almost seven years ago, and Percy falling ill a few months after Dante passed is brewing up some interesting feelings that I would not like to feel. I think it’s going to be difficult for me to wait out the next two and a half weeks without wigging out about Percy’s well-being, but I also think that if the vet is comfortable with him waiting, it’ll help me be more financially prepared for whatever the next steps are.

Not knowing whether I’m making the best choice guts me. In an ideal world, I would have infinite money to rush him to a specialist today to get answers and get him on the mend as soon as possible. I worried with Dante that I put him through too much pain and suffering when we were all so confident he would bounce back, and now I’m doing the opposite to Percy. It feels unfair for me not to drop everything for him, but I guess unfortunately Dante beat him to the money so I’m attempting a more tempered approach.

I will still take on pretty much any amount of debt for him, though. Some people might find it dumb or laughable or irresponsible or whatever, but my animals are my number one priority in life. I’d rather spend the money than lose an animal to something treatable. I’m feeling spicy about it after a friend made a comment earlier about not going broke for one’s animals and I took it so very personally and feel quite defensive.

Anyway. I should go write about plankton for a bit to take my mind of Percy.